Now normally these days, this gal is one happy camper. And with this being a 'vacation' week off of school, --Heaven. BUT, this week has done nothing more than remind me that I may turn out to be the lonely spinster after all.
With finances so rocky now (with a 10 day pay cut from our salaries, added to my mortgage, utilities, and rising gas prices), it seems the freedom that I so love and crave and need, is also a bit rocky. Don't get me wrong, I love the independence of being on my own and not having to answer to anyone but myself, but it seems that the rest of the world has either forgotten about me or just assumed that, like always, I am off enjoying my much deserved vacation.
If finances were not a concern, I'd be joining my single friends on "Taco Tuesdays", or yoga, or trivia night. I could take the peaceful drive out to visit my mom or even my grandparents. I could even take a solo drive on some day trip as seen in one of my Sunset magazine articles. I could begin painting my guest room or ripping out the raggedy carpet in my living space and laying down some flooring. But, sadly, the funding for such luxuries is non existent... at least for now. My trainer has even canceled on me all week! (probably because I can't afford to pay him, but he knows I'm good for it...)
I feel stuck in neutral and the fact that I don't even have someone to go on a walk with, cook a meal with (or even eat a meal with for that matter) is beginning to weigh heavy on me. I am a strong, spiritual, and patient woman, but even I need human interaction, conversation, and physical affection.
I swore I'd never do it, but I am at the point that I think I've got to consider getting a room mate. Of course I will have to spend a few bucks painting the guest room fixing some things around the house, but at least I'd have some social interaction with another human being. The thought of allowing a stranger into my home is a bit scary, but it also sounds intriguing. Something to seriously consider...
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
V Day Hype
Ahhhh, St. Valentine... The irony that this man was martyred is not lost on me! For the better part of my adult years, I have been someone's girlfriend. In all those years, NEVER once (well, okay, maybe once) did I ever have a romantic evening with the man I loved.
That fact is mainly because I didn't make a big deal of it. I don't really like how marketing has taken the holiday hostage and, why do we need 1 day to devote to a loved one? It should be a given that every day with that person is special. Anyway, I've always kinda put myself in my ex's shoes, and gently let them know that just hanging out with them was special enough--and it always was. BUT...
There is ALWAYS a place in a gal's heart that yearns to feel special. A place that secretly hopes that this time he'll surprise me and confess his true feelings for me... a gal can dream, right? And that I did. Each and every year it came and went like any other day. The closest I got to feelin' the love on Valentine's Day was my first love buying a plush white teddy bear for me at Vons when he went in to buy us a bottle of Strawberry Hill to guzzle down before our Valentine love-making session. An afterthought at the checkout stand, but I kept that bear for like 15 years, 'cause it was a relic of my only Valentine's Day gift--EVER.
A close second was when my longest-running boyfriend sent me a gift to the school where I worked that actually got there 2 weeks late and it was a box of candles--a practical gift he thought I'd prefer to flowers or candy. I later found out that he only sent them because I mentioned that our custodian left me a box of See's candies for Valentine's Day (and I was the only teacher he gave them to). Apparently, he wanted to assert his domination or mark his territory by sending me a box of candles to rival the box of chocolates--whatever!
My most sincere Valentine flowers/candy actually came from my employer who's children I was a nanny for. For the 8 years I was employed by him, his wife and I regularly received flowers on Valentine's Day and Mother's Day, and sometimes just because. Because she was the mother of his children and because I cared for his children. Sighhhh...
Ironically, now that I am single, I was awoken on this St. Valentine's morn (yesterday) to a "Happy Valentine's Day!" text from that candle-sending ex. First acknowledgement (unsolicited) ever from him. That text was the first of several acknowledgements throughout the day... about an hour later, my first love texted a simple, "Will u b mine?" A sweet gesture. Throughout the day I text flirted with my trainer (another ex) and received a surprise Valentine phone call from my DJ friend... late at night... that lasted a couple of hours. Harmless school (he teaches night classes at a community college--I teach kindergarten) talk, political (he's conservative--I'm not) debates, and questions about my BFF (who he's had a crush on for some years).
The one person that I expected to hear from--the 'white guy' in my life did not make a peep. I suspect that he realizes he has no business wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day, as he has a girlfriend, AND he's taking her to St. Thomas next week. He's been keeping his distance since he told me he was leaving to St. Thomas (which was right after he told me he didn't want me having sex with anyone). And I'm pretty sure he was only half kidding about the not having sex with anyone statement.
I must say, I can always count on my class to lift me up with their Valentines of love and appreciation. And at the end of the day, that is what really counts. That, and the delightful, playful texting and words of adoration between myself and my trainer. If not for him helping me in so many ways and on so many levels, I wouldn't fully be able to appreciate being a single WOman. And honestly, loving myself has allowed me to continue to love every other person in my life to the nth degree. Valentine may have been martyred, but I refuse to lay down for love (in a figurative way at least!!!).
That fact is mainly because I didn't make a big deal of it. I don't really like how marketing has taken the holiday hostage and, why do we need 1 day to devote to a loved one? It should be a given that every day with that person is special. Anyway, I've always kinda put myself in my ex's shoes, and gently let them know that just hanging out with them was special enough--and it always was. BUT...
There is ALWAYS a place in a gal's heart that yearns to feel special. A place that secretly hopes that this time he'll surprise me and confess his true feelings for me... a gal can dream, right? And that I did. Each and every year it came and went like any other day. The closest I got to feelin' the love on Valentine's Day was my first love buying a plush white teddy bear for me at Vons when he went in to buy us a bottle of Strawberry Hill to guzzle down before our Valentine love-making session. An afterthought at the checkout stand, but I kept that bear for like 15 years, 'cause it was a relic of my only Valentine's Day gift--EVER.
A close second was when my longest-running boyfriend sent me a gift to the school where I worked that actually got there 2 weeks late and it was a box of candles--a practical gift he thought I'd prefer to flowers or candy. I later found out that he only sent them because I mentioned that our custodian left me a box of See's candies for Valentine's Day (and I was the only teacher he gave them to). Apparently, he wanted to assert his domination or mark his territory by sending me a box of candles to rival the box of chocolates--whatever!
My most sincere Valentine flowers/candy actually came from my employer who's children I was a nanny for. For the 8 years I was employed by him, his wife and I regularly received flowers on Valentine's Day and Mother's Day, and sometimes just because. Because she was the mother of his children and because I cared for his children. Sighhhh...
Ironically, now that I am single, I was awoken on this St. Valentine's morn (yesterday) to a "Happy Valentine's Day!" text from that candle-sending ex. First acknowledgement (unsolicited) ever from him. That text was the first of several acknowledgements throughout the day... about an hour later, my first love texted a simple, "Will u b mine?" A sweet gesture. Throughout the day I text flirted with my trainer (another ex) and received a surprise Valentine phone call from my DJ friend... late at night... that lasted a couple of hours. Harmless school (he teaches night classes at a community college--I teach kindergarten) talk, political (he's conservative--I'm not) debates, and questions about my BFF (who he's had a crush on for some years).
The one person that I expected to hear from--the 'white guy' in my life did not make a peep. I suspect that he realizes he has no business wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day, as he has a girlfriend, AND he's taking her to St. Thomas next week. He's been keeping his distance since he told me he was leaving to St. Thomas (which was right after he told me he didn't want me having sex with anyone). And I'm pretty sure he was only half kidding about the not having sex with anyone statement.
I must say, I can always count on my class to lift me up with their Valentines of love and appreciation. And at the end of the day, that is what really counts. That, and the delightful, playful texting and words of adoration between myself and my trainer. If not for him helping me in so many ways and on so many levels, I wouldn't fully be able to appreciate being a single WOman. And honestly, loving myself has allowed me to continue to love every other person in my life to the nth degree. Valentine may have been martyred, but I refuse to lay down for love (in a figurative way at least!!!).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)