Just Another Sleepless Night

     So many thoughts going on in my head right now about how my life has changed so dramatically in the past coupe of years.  Two years ago, I was ready to take any and all measures to ensure that I have a child. I was contemplating a lap band procedure, and taking several medications and supplements.  I was renting a loft space in my brother's house and spending hour upon hour in my classroom.  I was going on 5 years of being sexually inactive.
     I'm pleased with my evolution, as I am now able to accept that I may never have a child; I am eating healthier, off all of the medications and supplements I was taking, and I have a trainer that motivates me the way no one ever could; I am a homeowner; I spend way fewer hours tied up in my classroom; And I am 'back in the saddle' when it comes to men.  Although I don't sleep with all of the men in my life, I have very healthy, adult relationships with a few great guys.
     I just spent the last 2 hours on the phone with my 'stalker' friend--that just makes me smile now.  I must say that aside from his 'whiteness', he seems like a perfect partner for me.  The fact that he is independently wealthy, has liberal views, is sensitive, feels the need to fight social injustices, despises racism of any kind, is athletic, AND has a sense of humor is vanilla frosting on the cake.  Tonight, he asked me what I was wearing.  I told him the truth--'a night shirt'.  Then he asked what I was wearing under the night shirt and, again, I told him the truth--'nothing constricting'.  He stopped me and said, "I'm a guy.  Don't use words like constricting."  Then we laughed... a lot.
     He proceeded to tell me that he would LOVE to lay naked next to me.  Not have sex or anything, just lay with his arms hugging me, hands on my breasts, while kissing the back of my neck.  He said he would LOVE to just look at me--laying naked in bed.  Said he could just do that for hours.  He would LOVE to sit and watch a movie with me--any movie, and hold hands the whole time.  He'd LOVE to massage my neck and shoulders after a long day's work.  And even though he doesn't smoke weed, he said he'd make sure I had a little bit every night when I got home from work to help with the day's stress.  Then we laughed...  a lot.
     Then his tone changed.  He said, "God, who are you?" as if no other woman had my endearing qualities, and he proceeded to tell me how smart, and funny, and gorgeous, and caring I was.  I honestly almost cried.  I realized that his phone calls and texts to me have been little bits of affection and respect for ME.  He is asking for nothing from me, but willing to give of himself because he SEES me.  He sees the person I have ALWAYS been.  It is something that no other man has been able to see in me--or maybe they have, but for whatever reason, couldn't tell me.  My first love, has come closest, but even he was not as bold as this man.
     Although I haven't seen him since high school (and even then, I didn't really know him), and even though he lives almost 2,000 miles away, I feel a bond of sorts with him.  I feel like he gets me--SEES ME.