The End of the Beginning

I have been thinking a lot about the last year, as I prepare to take on the next.  Like in Dicken's book, A Tale of Two Cities, this year for me was the best of times, and it was the worst of times...

It was the BEST year, because I rediscovered ME.  For so many years, I was a zombie, just moving through life and not really taking the time to focus on my happiness as I had done in my youth.  But this year, I found the place in my heart that allowed me to love myself.  I am thrilled that I no longer fit in my clothes--I don't even care that I can't afford new ones!  I am feeling healthy and sensual as a woman and I am not embarrassed to flirt or spark up a conversation with a man!  I am NOT holding any of my feelings (negative or positive) in.  That in itself has allowed me the freedom to lay all my cards on the table and let the world know that I am not one to be walked on or used or taken for granted.

It was the WORST of times, because I also rediscovered that no matter what, I am still gonna hurt--whether it is intentionally inflicted on me or not.  I don't have to be loved by every man that I love--It isn't a requirement for great sex--only for a committed relationship.  And just because I like sex and am single, does NOT make me a slut.  Especially, since I know that when the 'right' man comes along, he will have ALL of my attention.  I also learned that life is too damned short, not to take risks and chances with all possibilities--all is fair in love and the pursuit thereof.

I lost a family member, and a friend who was way too young to die.  His tragic life story of life and love lost and found only to be torn apart by death is what docudrama's are made of.  In fact that has been my life for so many years--a docudrama.

But this year was still a turning point in my life.  I choose to live the next part of my life, not as a docudrama, but rather, a romantic comedy about a girl who is single and in love with herself.  One where around any corner, on any given day in her life she may or may not run into a handsome co-star that will give her a run for her money.  One that will know what he wants in life... ME, of course!  And in both small and intoxicating doses.  One that will laugh with me, one that can be whisked away on a whim for whatever adventure or romantic tryst may present itself.  And if it's a month, a year, 10 years or 20, I will be just fine experimenting with the vast variety that swim freely in this beautiful ocean of life...