Looks like yet another sleepless night. I am so freaking happy and content right now, you'd think I'd be able to sleep! One of the reasons I think I'm soooooo unbelievably happy, is because I have decided to forgive myself and my past loves for the indiscretions and hurt that has pained me for so long. It is one giant weight off my shoulders and I feel so light and airy now. It is a beautiful, wonderful feeling...
BUT...
Aye, but there is always a BUT!!! I learned today that I have a FB "stalker" that has his heart set on me. He actually referred to himself as a "stalker"--not my words, but he did so in a playful, humorous way. I do not feel creeped out in any way, whatsoever. However, he did lay all of his cards on the table.
The man claims to be 'in love' with everything about me. Claims to have had these feelings since the first time he saw me (he was in 6th grade and I was in 5th) and he wants only for a chance to "knock me off my feet" (a reference to one of my FB post from a couple of weeks ago). He has 3 children, a successful (very rich) girlfriend and lives a thousand miles away, yet he claims he would drop everything to be with me; leave his girlfriend, uproot his family to move out here--just to be with me. He thinks I'm beautiful, sexy, kind, passionate, brainy, witty, and he doesn't care if I'm skinny or fat, or tall or short--he wants me just the way I am. He wants to take care of me, shower me with love, cook for me, be my protector, whisk me away to travel on a whim, save the world with me one child at a time. He has a passion for helping the underprivileged (especially children and senior citizens). My mom was his teacher in school and a HUGE influence on his life. He claims that she is responsible for his success because she 'believed' in him... way back in 6th grade. I almost want to pinch myself, because I've never had a man open up to me like this--ever. I mean this is the kind of stuff that romantic comedies are made of, right? Yet, while I am 100% flattered that he feels this way, I still have my qualms.
My only hang up with him--is that he is white... (there, I said it; and I know it sounds silly and a little bit prejudiced, but it's true...). I have NEVER dated a white man. I'm pretty sure it's because my rapist was white, but nonetheless, I have never found myself viewing a white man as boyfriend material, let alone for a life partner. I know I have to get over it, and he may just be the one to do it.
After he spilled his heart and soul to me, I had to give him hope. I told him, I would like very much to be wooed. But that I also would hate to let him down if the connection wasn't there--after all, he has been the one "stalking" me. I just found out about his adoration of me, so naturally, he can't expect me to feel the same intense love that he apparently feels for me. He agreed and is happy for the chance to woo me. I also told him honestly that I had never been courted by a white man and never even considered it. Immediately, he knew... and responded with, "did a white guy hurt you? Just tell me who it was and I will 'fuck him up'!" Did I mention that he can also make me laugh?
Who knows if he will win my heart... (apparently, he thinks he can and who am I to squash his dreams?) I only know that for once in my life, it will be nice to be on the receiving end of the love and affection that I have doled out for so long...
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