Perspective

So I recieved a healthy dose of middle-aged perspective today (yesterday).  The venue?  My great-aunt's funeral.  As I listened to Fr. Barney give the blessings, recited the 23rd Psalm in a daze as second and third cousins I barely know released white balloons into the gorgeous saphire blue skies of SoCal, I watched a tear well up in my grandfather's eye for the last sister left in his 11-sibling family.  Only Johnny and Tommy remain.  It occurred to me that aside from being a family of hard working hunters & fishermen, I really know very little about my Rangel gente...  How sad.  How sad for my grandfather to outlive both of his sons, all of his sisters and several brothers.  How sad that that branch of my family tree is so divided and split-up that my great uncle Johnny--one of the only three surviving Rangel men didn't even make the effort (nor did any of his family) to come to his baby sister's funeral.

Then I praised God for my Ortega gente.  And my Alcocer-Martinez gente for being so close.  It will be they who attend my Grandfater's funeral when the time comes.  I'm certain Johnny won't be there for his brother.  I know that Tommy will, but I seriously think my grandfather will outlive both of them.  The notion that his life story will not be heard scares me.  His life needs to be validated for future generations.  I don't see my Uncle Ed's girls telling his story, and Aunt Yaya has no grandkids, and it looks like she never may.  I know my brother will not validate it for his boys--he's the JohnnyBoy of our family.  I'm sure Jay will, but I think Jake's Japonese roots will prove thicker than his Rangel roots.  J.J. is our only hope.  Maria could be a possibility, and Amy and Javi could step up and produce another great-grandbaby to tell the story.  Better yet, I could! 

It occurred to me that while I do need a man to father a child, I don't need one to raise a child.  I plan to look into my possibilities. At the risk of becoming an octomom, artificial insemination is possibly within my means--(not as fun), but it is within my means. 

I could take some friends' up on their offer to make a "donation" for the cause, but somehow I don't think they meant insemination via a plastic cup with a magazine in a drafty dr.'s office...Lol.  Adoption is out there as well, but that could take a really long time.  I could take my grandmothers advise when she jokingly told my cousin, "why not have 2 men?  As long as they can handle me."  At this age, that sounds like the most fun and probably the most productive, yet just a bit too sluttish... (is that a word?)  Maybe I'll just declare myself a cougar and hit the dating scene.  Ewwwwww!!!!!!

To think that Tia Jennie's funeral could have such a life-altering affect on me is pretty awesome.  Although I don't really think it was her funeral persay that gave me this epiphany moment.  I think its the fear of not having my own story told... 

Blessings...

~K

PS  Did I tell you that I saw Montel Jordon, BBD & Keith Sweat at State Line last weekend?!  It was HOT and steamy up in there!  I also saw El Chicano, Tierra, and WAR the night before!  They were way better...  What you know about them?  Check em out...