Wisdom

The following 6 posts were first shared with the most recent man in my life.  He was someone I dated years ago and whom I became re-acquainted with within the last 8 mos.  Although we are not involved anymore, I am privileged to call him my friend, as he is the one to help me "get my groove back".

Lucky you.  Because you have somehow inspired me, you get to be on the receiving end of my next series of memoirs.  Since the first several fell on deaf ears and blind sight, I expect sooo much more from you.  No need to critique or spell check--these won't be going public anytime soon.  Just listen.  If you are so inspired, respond with a word or two; write a song or poem; say a prayer for or curse the day you met me.  Haha...

I am alive.  I feel it now...  (mostly in my abs & thighs!)  

For so many years, I put myself last.  Maybe its the "oldest child syndrome" or guilt for any number of morality infarctions over the past couple of decades (which I may or may not disclose)--plain & simple Karma.  For whatever reason, I deemed myself unworthy of living in the spiritual sense.  ~Funny because I perceive myself to be a very spiritual person.

I have been on auto mode for years now.  Wake up.  Work.  Work some more.  Take care of Mom & J.J.  Work a little more.  Sleep.  Repeat...  

Only recently, have I begun to gain my much-anticipated, 40-something wisdom.  I know that I have made some mistakes in my life (who doesn't make mistakes?)  But I am worthy.  Worthy of loving someone and being loved in return.  Worthy of having my own family.  Worthy of LIVING.  And if I never marry, wisdom will be my mate.  If I never bare, adopt, or foster a child, I'll know that I have done more parenting in my 14 years of teaching, than many who call themselves parents.  

I have to thank "Sweet Baby Jesus" (haha)  for bringing you back into my life at this moment in time when I am just stocked full of wisdom :-)  If I'd only knew then, what I know now, I would have begged you to take me to Japan with you...  You are a good man, a wonderful father, an inspiring coach, and gosh darn it, "I like you!"  (ok, I had to get my "SNL... Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy" props in)  :-)   Seriously, Babe, I truly love you.  And You Are Worthy. 

~K